Hello,
I am new to this blogging malarkey so have never done this before. I was inspired to do this by my wife and this can explain what has been going on in my life recently. The last couple of months have been very hectic, with one of the highs of my life and one of the lowest points of my life.
I will start with the good, on 28th June I got married to my wife, Dolina Barnes, this was a truly amazing experience, getting married to my soulmate and best friend and saying the wedding vows in front of all my family and friends, then the reception afterwards was really stunning, surrounded in beautiful grounds, the day was perfect (our 1st dance was really special) and we were all looking forward to the honeymoon.
Our honeymoon was in Gran Canaria, we went to Maspalomas, me, Dolina and Marissa were all excited as we had not been there before. We arrived at our "bungalow" which was a mini house with an upstairs and a downstairs, and a kitchen under the stairs. We enjoyed our honeymoon and did some relaxing and some more "active" things like go on a camel which we all enjoyed and going on a jeep safari which was an amazing experience, got to explore the non touristy bits of the island.
Once we got back from honeymoon, we recovered then my wife found out she was pregnant, this was really exciting news, and I was looking forward to being a daddy for the first time and I was excited about being there for my wife and being there with the newborn child (helping to feed it, bonding with the baby) all new experiences for me which I had not done before.
Then on the 5th August 2008, we found out some devastating news :- my wife had had a miscarriage and I was no longer going to be a daddy :( I could not help but cry when I first found out as I was devastated along with my wife as we were both looking forward to being a mummy and daddy for the first time as a husband and wife. I wasn't sure how to feel, having never gone through this before, I have felt a whole range of emotions since (angry at why my wife was the one that had a miscarriage, upset as to how other people who don't deserve to have children (people who take drugs, who are alcoholics etc) and they have healthy children, my wife does smoke (but not a heavy smoker) and we don't drink heavily and we lead quite an active life (go out for exercise and walks a lot) so why should we be punished?? I have also felt very emotional and some days have been crying for a lot of the day (I have no problem to admit that I have been crying as the last week or so has been really difficult for all of us).
We decided to go away last weekend as we needed to grieve in peace so we went to Torquay and spent the weekend there. We stayed in a very nice bed and breakfast (Abberley House) well worth staying at and I would recommend it to anyone wanting to visit Torquay, it is not in the town centre but it is close enough to get to Torquay centre (by car or walking). We did grieve in peace and on Saturday 9th August we went to Torquay Harbour and went down to the sea and we had a memorial service in private (me, Marissa and Dolina) and reflected on what had happened and we threw lillies in the sea. Dolina said some very emotional words from the heart and we prayed that our unborn child would rest in peace and we also said that we would never forget about it.
We then said some prayers and threw the lillies into the sea - this was probably the most emotional I have ever felt in my life as I had never attended a funeral before and this was like a funeral but a private one where we could all grieve in peace. I then gave my wife a big hug and we cried for a few minutes. This helped as it allowed us to express our emotion and let out all the tears that were stored up. I have tears in my eyes as I am writing this now. I feel a bit better but will take me some more time to get over the whole process.
I am going back to work on Monday which will be tough as people will ask where I have been (I have only told my boss and HR what has happened) so I will have to be blunt and just say that my wife had a miscarriage and I have been supporting her and trying to deal with it myself.
I am more positive about the future and I really hope that one day we do have a child and we are a happy family.
I will be updating this on a regular basis, enough of me for now, speak soon
Paul
